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I can't sleep, inspiration calls

I lay in bed, ready to sleep. On a whim, I focused my thoughts on a silent praise to God... and inspiration called so much I had to get up and write.

Oh how we struggle to climb the highest mountains on this Earth, O Lord, yet such efforts are but a fraction of the effort to rise to the summits of the holiness you have ordained for us. The majesty and loftiness of our earthly summits are nothing compared to Thee. The beauty we behold with our earthly eyes are but grayscale shadows in comparison to Thy beauty.

This is my praise of Thee, O Lord. My prayer was earlier this evening, but this is my own expression of my Remembrance of Thee. I bow and mean no disrespect. I beg of Thee to not take offense. My body may lay in this bed, but my spirit is bent at both knees. I rejoice that I know of Thee, O Lord. I weep that I know Thee not. I feel exalted that you might grant me this feeling. I am humbled that you even bother.

The wheels and cogs of this cosmos turn, and I with it. Where my place is, I do not know. The complexity and grandeur are beyond my ken, the scope and breadth wider than my vision. What you have ordained for me, I know not. I only feel humility in knowing that I experience such things.

I have gone and returned, left and come back, visited and revisited. Time and time again, lessons learned, then unlearned and then relearned again. There is infinite minutia in Thy Law, and I am overwhelmed by it all, yet determined like a migratory bird to reach its destination. Each journey is the same in search of home, yet each journey is different, wrought with new challenges and contexts.

Divine utterances inspire me. The wine of Thy love inebriates me. The ocean of Thy mercy cleanses me. You have set me aflame, O Lord. For but a brief moment, I feel a joy of connectedness, yet no tears this time. Is this a glimpse of bliss?

I desire sleep, O Lord. Nay, I need sleep for I must wake tomorrow. Yet you do all this. Why not bestow sleep? To what end do You inspire these thoughts? Why burden me with such private madness to feel such things? Even if my wife were awake, this inspiration is of no use to her. For that matter, it is of no use to anybody else, save me. So why? What additional certainty are You bestowing upon me? Have I doubted you? I know I have my share of recent disappointments. Why bestow this, in light of such things? Is it simply because I tried to praise you as my last conscious thoughts before I drifted off to sleep?

I mean no offense, O Lord. I wish not to be the ungrateful, spoiled child in receipt of every gift his parents' resources can allow. All of this is simply unexpected, unwarranted, like winning a lottery where the prize is but a moment' of being worth more than my lifetime, so far. I would have been content with simply knowing that I tried to praise You, as I lost consciousness. I did so without expectations, O Lord. I did so without expectations.