There's a certain irony in having an online journal and not sharing. There are actually quite a few journal entries written since my last entry, but they take the form of private letters and it would be inappropriate to share. There's a certain sense of safety that comes from having a mostly anonymous Internet. Combine that with the catharsis that comes from public expression, it's no wonder that blogs are so popular.
Still my heart is content in knowing that what I've done is sufficient. There's so much that I need to do, and daily challenges and personal weakness still get in the way of pursuing a more rigorous prayer practice. There's a certain je ne sais quoi about my lack of discipline now that I sense I need to explore... as if, I'm being given then chance to understand how to exercise a disciplined form of enlightenment that lacks the more visible forms of outward structure.
Don't get me wrong - it's not like I've stopped praying or have missed numerous days of obligatories and allah-u-abhas. Much to the contrary, I'm praying quite often... often times, holding my daughter so that she might be accustomed to hearing prayer and not thinking it's entirely weird. My record isn't perfect, but I'm content with it.
Life is a storm right now... not as frightening as a hurricane, but numerous uncertainties exist. Amidst all of it is the one certainty of God. I know I can navigate these challenges with a zen-like efficiency... now I just need to find that zen gear on my motor.